Today has just been one of those days, no, it's just been one of those weeks. You know? When it all started I knew it was going to be a long week, but damn. some shit has happened lately. It's funny, i just keep thinking about the day i'm leaving this place. June 15th. It's coming so soon, it seems like everyday it gets a life time closer. It's still a little while away but the times just going to fly by. Its all pretty incredible really, how time speeds up the older you get. I feel like i'm in fast forward to being independent and leaving and doing all these things that I don't know how I can ever accomplish.
It's a race out here, or a fucking massacre. I guess it depends on how you look at it. and that's another thing. what happens when an optimist develops learned helplessness. What happens when there's only way out? Sometimes I feel like i'm underwater. I'm drowning and I look up for a hand to pull me out, because I can't swim. And that's all I need. But anywas I look up and all there is, is bright, blinding, yellow light. the water is rippling a little and the sun's reflection on it's surface is the only thing there. when am I going to remember that I can swim? Why don't i kick and fight and struggle until i get myself out? Why do I let myself sink?
My mom used to tell me, remember who you are and what you stand for. I never even thought about it, i just shrugged it off as one of those sayings. but I think I've forgotten. I think most of us have. I don't think we really stand for anything anymore. at least not when we're alone anyways. i don't know what i'm saying anymore. i gotta go.,
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